Growing up with the Disney
princesses, marriages were always the beginning of “happily ever after”s. But
then, somewhere on my way to reality, I lost my glass shoe and the speed-dial
for the fairy god mothers. ever since, pumpkins remained pumpkins and rats ,
rats!
I’m twenty two, single, just
started my career (not the dream one, the make-shift one) and a single girl
child. I’ve been raised by a very strong man with modern and liberal views- my
dad and a mother who is epitome of everything homely, warm and lovely.
Whenever they restricted me from
something which was too common among the people my age, I would spend hours
sulking and revolting. But when I decided to stroll around a bit on their
shoes, I wobbled a lot and then tumbled down. The unwritten clichés of the
society gave me shoe-bites .
With their best efforts, they
brought up a daughter who would be independent and would have her views and
opinions on whatever which crosses her path. At the same time, they needed a
gentle, compliant , and modest daughter , whom they could marry off to the
perfect boy from the perfect family, which they would find out for her.
Species with all the aforesaid traits are not a rarity, but
on the flipside, I could only take in the first part of it, and that is not a
rarity either. Unlike the first category, this on-your-face-smartness shown by
the female gender of homo-sapien
species, in certain parts of India , is frowned upon. Other side effects
include, dark circles underneath mommy’s eyes and extra tension lines on
daddy’s brows; especially when the rest of the population is conspiring with
the universe to get their daughter married off before she turns into an old
hag( read: 27 years or more).
And what do they do? THEY PUT UP ADS!! On newspapers, on internet and in addition to that, they make sure they spread the word around. THEY PUT HER UP FOR SALE. Attaching snaps of her showing off her healthy body with “assets” in place , then a close up of her face ( carefully photoshopped to the fairest shade possible).They list all her degrees, qualities and as if this is not humiliating enough, they give away free goodies..! Their hard earned money (converted into the yucky-yellow-metal or maybe into a car), so than an idiot, who managed to earn a post graduate degree and a decent job, but who couldn’t find a girl or stand up for the girl he found would take their daughter off.
And what do they do? THEY PUT UP ADS!! On newspapers, on internet and in addition to that, they make sure they spread the word around. THEY PUT HER UP FOR SALE. Attaching snaps of her showing off her healthy body with “assets” in place , then a close up of her face ( carefully photoshopped to the fairest shade possible).They list all her degrees, qualities and as if this is not humiliating enough, they give away free goodies..! Their hard earned money (converted into the yucky-yellow-metal or maybe into a car), so than an idiot, who managed to earn a post graduate degree and a decent job, but who couldn’t find a girl or stand up for the girl he found would take their daughter off.
This is too harsh and unfair
point of view- I am aware of that, but I penned this down and has put it up
because I strongly believe that my point of view is not as unfair and harsh as
this practice. I do not deny the fact that a remarkable percentage of my
country has found happiness in arranged marriages. I accept them as greater
human beings than I can ever be, because they have successfully done something I
cannot even possibly imagine.
What if someone-a woman- chooses
to stay unmarried after maybe a 27 or 28 years of age? To begin with, why do
you- a person who is not her best friend , immediate family or even a second
cousin- have a problem with her? “SINGLE” is not a bad word for a woman . it
might be the state in which that person has found happiness. She might be in a
perfectly happy relationship with herself; she might just be afraid to tag
another person along to alter or put a question on her sense of security or
independence . It doesn’t essentially mean she die a virgin or an old maid. She
might tumble into someone who will lead her to her “happily ever after”.
If single women are put under
such scrutiny by the society, what chance does a divorcee stand ?why is a
divorced woman a humiliation to the family? Is it because she was brave enough
to let go of someone or an unhappy relationship and had the courage to be alone
in the big bad world? And I bet, u might have heard women blaming other women
in broken relationships for “not being able to keep her man” when the case is
clearly his infidelity .
I do not advocate divorces for
the drop of a hat, and “adjustments” is not a bad word either. It becomes bad
when your life becomes a series of adjustments. What is the point of proving
your worth to someone who is so blind to see it?? Why be a guard dog to his
ego when you could walk away with your
self respect? Women, your worth is no more measured by the years you suffered
in silence. Being your on fairy-god-mother is the only way out. If anyone tries
to cut your wings, they should be turned into pumpkins.
As I read this out to my dad, I
could see a confused smile on his face which read, “Errr… is this little girl
going to give me a hard time?” and amma knitted her brows and glared at my dad
which meant nothing other than “Whatever she writes, I will start a groom hunt
when she is twenty four.” My best friend ,Fatima asked half-smiling “So…not
getting married huh..feminist??”.
These are questions beyond my dream-filled twenty two year
old brain. I might fall in love. I might get married. But for now, I’m a wide-eyed woman who has an opinion on
anything, who calls a spade a spade, who enjoy being a notorious spendthrift .
I refuse to be labeled. I am alone. I am uncertain and afraid. And, I have
found happiness in this confusion.
- The unlabelled happy woman.
- The unlabelled happy woman.
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| Art work by a dear friend Ar.Sherina Siraj :) |
